When the wife woke up this morning I imagine she thought a day of pampering was ahead. She would have been right. That was the plan. Unfortunately when you have kids things don’t always go to plan.
It would seem Florence has taken my smart arse wind up merchant side and coupled it with the Mrs fiesty stompy side and decided today was the day she was going to show us what that looks like.
It’s been relentless. No breakfast in bed or drinkable brews for my fine lady this morning. She got beans on toast at 11:30am a whole 5 hours after she got up. In between that time we heard the words ‘Can I have’ approximately 309 times and had about 10 end of the world emotional breakdowns. I was called Mike all day instead of daddy and whenever I told Florence to call me daddy she replied ‘alright Mike’! (Cocky bugger). My stress levels got so high that I developed some sort of stress induced eye twitch.
We eventually managed to leave the house after 2 hours of negotiating and a boot/shoe crisis which made me want to bang my head against the wall. Thinking it would be nice to sit in the sun and have a drink, we went to the pub where I discovered it costs more to drink non-alcoholic beer than the real deal and giving an already hyperactive kid J20 is like giving amphetamines to a cocker spaniel. Florence couldn’t sit still and the excitement finally got the better of her and whilst I was buying the drinks she darted leaving mummy tear arseing it after her baby, car seat and drink in hand.
Florence picked nana a lovely bouquet of wild flowers whilst we were sat in the pub, only to mangle these into a mushy mess on the journey to deliver these. Upon our arrival at nanas Florence proceeded to lock us all out of the house, requiring me to jump a 10ft fence in my favourite boots scratching the bugger out of them.
After a short visit and a hasty exit we visited my parents which to my amazement was a visit which largely went without incident. She appeared to mellow and all seemed to calm. However it was clearly just a break in proceedings and a chance for her to reboot for when we got home.
Now bedtime in the Brook household usually starts around 5:30. Today it started at 4:15 and that’s after the clocks had gone forward. We had simply had enough and couldn’t wait. So after a splash in the bath where all the toys were launched onto the bathroom floor, Florence was quickly dried and escorted into her bed. After 2 tries at getting her toast request right (I forgot the peanut butter 1st time, didn’t hear the end of that one for 10 minutes) the lights were eventually switched off and peace fell over the house.
On leaving Florence fast asleep I visited the fridge where I proceeded to abandon my quest for a thirst quenching beverage and instead I spent 5 minutes shoveling cocktail sausages into my mouth. Not my finest moment. But hey Florence was asleep and the curtain had dropped on today’s little show.
However like many shows we weren’t done yet. We got an encore. Barely had I had chance to swallow the last of the cocktail sausages when Florence decided to wake up and give us a 2 and a half hour encore. One we were not expecting and quite frankly one we could have done without. Now ironically after calling me Mike all day she decided to shout for daddy and instead of been relieved and pleased that the message had finally sank in, my stress levels went up and my eye twitch kicked in. Thankfully it only took 20 minutes for her to fall back to sleep.
So today didn’t go anything like to plan. Not that there was much of a plan in the first place but I had visions of putting on a better day than the wife experienced today. But that’s the thing when you’ve have kids, you can plan all you like but if they throw a wobbler you can chuck those plans out the window. Surviving then becomes the aim of the day. Today we survived and the wife is now sat in bed whilst I make us a brew that we can enjoy whilst sat in bed in the dark. Not a bad end to Mother’s Day im sure she would agree.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you lovely mummies.